Family relationships : maintain them throughout life

Aunty Mary and Uncle Nick . . . loving siblings

A lot of jokes are made about families – such as you can choose your friends but not your family, but for most people, the most enduring relationships they have are with their flesh and blood.

And that means uncles, aunts and cousins as well as your birth family and the family you create. But, all too often, as we raise our families, we tend to have less time for our extended blood family, except perhaps our siblings and parents.

Before you know it, the cousins and uncles and aunts you saw a lot of as you were growing up, are less and less in your thoughts, let alone in your presence. As your parents pass away, you are having family reunions with your cousins at the cemetery. My cousins and I were reflecting on this just recently at my own mother’s funeral.

Growing up, my sister and I were close to our 14 cousins as our Aussie Italian family was fond of the big picnics and get-togethers but in latter years, we were so busy with our children, our partners, our friends and work, that we saw the extended family less and less – and we liked each other.

But in recent times, the uncles and aunts still alive and my cousins and I have started to flock to each other – in each other’s homes rather than the cemetery. It is funny but many of my cousins had not even been to the home I have lived in for 25 years and I hadn’t been to theirs. Our busy grown up children may not even get to meet them or each other, their second cousins, but at least we are seeing each other.

Recently, my second husband and I visited my Aunt Mary’s place for Uncle Nick’s 89th birthday. Mary and Nick are close brother and sister and it was great to hear them reminiscing and glowing in each other’s company. Her children, my favourite boy cousins, and their children were there so it was a big gathering , just like the old days.

It was wonderful to introduce my new husband to my cousins, some of whom had only seen my first husband a few times. My husband, who does not have any family, was pleasantly overawed by all the love in the room and it helped him understand me more.

It gave me a new determination, lazy sod that I am, to research and write my family history. I have to get moving if I want Uncle Nick and Aunty Mary to give me their stories. If you are wanting to do a family tree, don’t leave it until all the branches have dropped off!

But apart from  trying to piece together your family history or family tree for the benefit of your children and grandchildren, the main benefit to you in keeping in touch with the extended family is a sense of well-being you get from being connected to people from your childhood who share a common story.

Providing you love your family, their company will help sustain your emotional health in your senior years, all the aged care experts seem to agree. Well, it would be hard to disagree on that!

Discovering your family history before it’s too late

WHEN we were young many of us were too impatient to listen to Nanna’s stories or Uncle Fred’s wartime anecdotes and as for listening to our parents blather on about their childhood . . .

We lived in the present and history was something for the classroom, and then only because we had to listen to it – for those of us who were not real history buffs. And even for those of us interested in the history of world events, we did not usually relate them to our own families. It was not cool to even stay too long  in the room of relatives as they reminisced about the “good old days”.

But as we move to our middle years, with our children grown up having children of their own, suddenly we

Researching your family tree can be fun

are interested in our family history. And that is usually because our children are starting to show an interest.

Suddenly knowing about your past is cool – fueled by reality tv programs aimed at people trying to find out about their forebears.

Trouble is, Nanna is gone, Uncle Fred and your parents are either gone or gone soft and you have only a few snippets of information in your head as well as a suitcase of un-named, fading photographs.

It is time to rally what family you have left – if your parents and their siblings are not around, consider their cousins and of course your cousins who may have listened a bit more attentively than you did.

What I am talking about here is an anecdotal history of your family, a good place to start weaving your family story. Before you get down to the serious business of a proper geneological study of your family, those anecdotes you have heard, even if they do not have firm dates, places or events, are an important part of  your family’s story.

You may think that researching your family tree with names, dates of births and deaths is the best, even the only way to go but any stories from relatives adds to the rich tapestry of your family history. Writing those stories down will spur you on to the harder task of  researching your family tree.

So, to start with:

• Interview and film surviving relatives, even if you think their memories are dimming;

• Organise a family reunion with as many branches of the family as you can as you may find a distant relative knows something worthwhile about your family;

• Write down your own life story as it could start a trend copied by subsequent generations;

• Catalogue family photos with names, dates and places if you can and separate them from photos with no data;

• Start the process of doing your family tree and tracing ancestors with the help of genealogy experts which you will find online.

Most important thing to remember is HAVE FUN, even if the task seems overwhelming. Take one step at a time and enjoy the journey.

Piecing together the puzzle of your family story is a great activity for your retirement but also a good way to spend your spare time if you are still working – meeting relatives at those sunny-day picnics and sorting through photos and writing on the rainy weekends.

And don’t forget there could be the  chance to travel if you really want to go that far.

http://www.ancestry.com.au/

http://www.findmypast.com/

http://www.tracingyourancestors.com/