Family relationships : maintain them throughout life

Aunty Mary and Uncle Nick . . . loving siblings

A lot of jokes are made about families – such as you can choose your friends but not your family, but for most people, the most enduring relationships they have are with their flesh and blood.

And that means uncles, aunts and cousins as well as your birth family and the family you create. But, all too often, as we raise our families, we tend to have less time for our extended blood family, except perhaps our siblings and parents.

Before you know it, the cousins and uncles and aunts you saw a lot of as you were growing up, are less and less in your thoughts, let alone in your presence. As your parents pass away, you are having family reunions with your cousins at the cemetery. My cousins and I were reflecting on this just recently at my own mother’s funeral.

Growing up, my sister and I were close to our 14 cousins as our Aussie Italian family was fond of the big picnics and get-togethers but in latter years, we were so busy with our children, our partners, our friends and work, that we saw the extended family less and less – and we liked each other.

But in recent times, the uncles and aunts still alive and my cousins and I have started to flock to each other – in each other’s homes rather than the cemetery. It is funny but many of my cousins had not even been to the home I have lived in for 25 years and I hadn’t been to theirs. Our busy grown up children may not even get to meet them or each other, their second cousins, but at least we are seeing each other.

Recently, my second husband and I visited my Aunt Mary’s place for Uncle Nick’s 89th birthday. Mary and Nick are close brother and sister and it was great to hear them reminiscing and glowing in each other’s company. Her children, my favourite boy cousins, and their children were there so it was a big gathering , just like the old days.

It was wonderful to introduce my new husband to my cousins, some of whom had only seen my first husband a few times. My husband, who does not have any family, was pleasantly overawed by all the love in the room and it helped him understand me more.

It gave me a new determination, lazy sod that I am, to research and write my family history. I have to get moving if I want Uncle Nick and Aunty Mary to give me their stories. If you are wanting to do a family tree, don’t leave it until all the branches have dropped off!

But apart from  trying to piece together your family history or family tree for the benefit of your children and grandchildren, the main benefit to you in keeping in touch with the extended family is a sense of well-being you get from being connected to people from your childhood who share a common story.

Providing you love your family, their company will help sustain your emotional health in your senior years, all the aged care experts seem to agree. Well, it would be hard to disagree on that!